Flashback...!

Year 1995, Saint marys residential central school,Thiruvalla,Kerala,.

I saw that huge campus from the windshield of our white color maruti 800car. I was asked to wait in the office room while my mom and dad were called to the principal’s office.. I sat there looking at the grilled notice board and the various trophies on the shelf. Later I was called by the principal.



“Whats your name?:

Sarath.

“Aww that’s a good name. There are many famous personalities with that name”

“Yes, Sharad pawar is one among them”

He was impressed. He dint expect a boy seeking admission for 5th standard to know about sharad pawar.

Then I followed my parents through that narrow corridor which had a huge hall at the end and a staircase on one side. The staircase led to a huge dormitory which has around 100 double floored cots.I was asked to select one and I took the upper bed which was directly beneath the fan. There was a door on the corner of that dorm and beyond the door, was the dorm of +2 students. On the end of the dorm there was a way leading to the left direction. I just walked through it and it was again a corridor. On the left, instead of wall, it was a grilled window through which I could see the vehicles on the road.On the right, a vast area which has around 15 taps. Passing the taps, there were around 10 toilets.

I came back to the dorm and my mom kissed me and said “Balu, be a good boy. Study well. We will call you and write letters to you every month”I saw a drop of tear on the corner of her eye. From the window, I saw our car moving out of the gate,I felt moist in my eyes. I dint know why.Later I realized I was admitted to a hostel, somewhere far from home.That night I slept with a weeping heart and my pillow was wet with tears.

Next morning, 5 A.M.i woke up by hearing the shouting of Sulochana, our caretaker. I had to attend the christian prayers, which was the routine of the hostel.First day of class.I felt like an alien. It was difficult for me to find the 5th standard class which was on the top floor.Atlast I found it and sat on the middle bench. First lecture was Malayalam.I was pretty good in that subject.When the teacher asked something I stood up and replied “Teachere enikkariyam athu” (Teacher I know that).Class burst out into laughter.I dint know why.Later I realized students in that school address lectures as “Miss” instead of “Teacher” and that was why the laughter for.That concept dint digest me much.I continued to address her as teacher, ignoring the laughter of the entire class.Gradually, I got accustomed to the rest of the kids and I was gradually changing. I was becoming one among those NRI kids.My homesickness reduced and I felt okay of not seeing my parents.

At St.Mary’s, all letters the students would get from their parents would be first read by the warden and the students would get only opened envelopes. Those letters which I used to receive from my mom always brought tears to my eyes.Whenever I get letters from my parents I used to go near those grilled windows and stare at the outside world. I still have those 14 year old letters safe with me like a treasure.

It was then my brother also joined the same school for +2.It was a relief for me eventhough he was in another dorm, which was near the cabin of Vice principal Mr.Duke.Duke was an anglo Indian, heavily built. An iron rod with a small oval round shape at the end of it was his trademark.It was impossible to spot him without the rode and Duke was the nightmare of students.I had enormous respect for him due to his personality and also a bit of fear when I hear the name Duke!!! Donno why but he was always nice to me. He stayed with his wife n kid in the hostel itself.Did I mention our dorm was on first floor and the second floor was assigned to girls dorm.Next to girls dorm was the mess hall. My first love of life, Blessy Ann Mathew, lived there and we used to exchange that cute smile during our dinner hours.

I used to perform mimicry, mono act,speech, poem and many other art forms from childhood onwards.Youth festivals were always the days of joy, fame and appreciation for me.My mimicry and imitation of film stars were well received and it made me the kiddo star of the class.May be blessy was attracted to that.Anyways, I feel love is in our blood.My brother was the known romeo of the school.Visakh Menon.I still remember when a chechi(a girl much elder to me) named as jancy, started to mingle with me more and gave me many gifts, chocolates etc.Later I came to know that she was my brother’s girlfriend.Jancychechi was smart, n goodlooking.I liked her a lot for the gifts she give me.One was a toy of an eagle which balances itself on top of a cone.Well, as you guessed, it was just a teenage love of my bro.

Jerry, Ninan and Jyothish were my best friends then. Jerry was the studious boy of the class.How he became my friend is a story.One day there was an announcement in the class.”All students who are here from more than one year may enter bus no:2”I was a newbie and sat on my bench itself all alone.Later I understood, Jerry’s father had passed away and all students had gone to his home.So our friendship started on that sympathy but later he became my best friend.I should mention about Kuriakose Sir, Our geography lecturer.He was somewhere in 50’s then, thin, with a big spectacle and a long stick in his hand.He used to beat up the students mercilessly and was a real terror.For skipping his class, I used to hide in the hostel itself.There were many days when I was hiding in te hostel without food and being unnoticed by Sulochana.

There were many nights which I slept with flowing tears. My solitude life had begun at that age.It was then homesickness went away from me.It became an unknown feeling.I left the hostel by 10th standard.5 years of the hostel life made me stubborn and hard.Being away from home was never a problem for me.May be for those who had lived their wholelife with parents, and when asked to move away, it would be a great problem.But for me, I parted my dear family while in 5th standard itself. 5 years in school hostel. I graduated by staying in an college hostel again. From the last 3 years, I am away from my family. May be my likeness towards solitude had started then.

St.marys hostel moulded me. It gave me both good and bad experiences.To be away from home or away from parents never became a problem for me.I rarely visit my native.Once in 5 or 6 months.I love to be alone.Yes, at times, lonliness kills me, but at the same time its difficult to find someone of my same wavelength.So I prefer to be alone.While alone, I bare no responsibility to others.I can do whatever I want.But in one corner of my heart, those olden memories still hurts.My parents were forced to drop me in a hostel as they had to travel abroad when I needed their care the most.I don’t blame them at any cost. They taught me in a good and renowned school.That experience taught me to stand on my own feet. Till 10th I used to read bible daily and still respect Christianity to the most as same as Hinduism.Only because my parents left me in a Christian school, I came to know about the value of Christianity.Altogether, when I sit back and remember now, those days have a golden touch, eventhough at that time I considered it as the worst phase of my life. Days at school hostel and college hostel would everlast in my memories. Still there are hundreds of memories which I want to share.Everything is in my mind with a faded black n white touch….everything…..

-G.Sarath Menon

Their Diaries

Their Diaries

Boy's Diary

December,8,2009

Dear Diary,

You dont know the phase of life i am passing through. You dont know the pain i am suffering. 4 long years. From the last 4 years she had been a part of my life. We were so happy together. The day when i saw her for the first time in college, i still cannot forget that. She was wearing a white churidar and with that mesmerizing smile, she looked like an angel from the heaven. Yes, she was one. Her wide eyes and those few strands of hair that keep on falling to her forehead. It is a beauty to watch her slowly setting back those strands back to her ear. Her lips were like a bud of roses and her smile, It was a ravishing beauty. I was falling in love with her from that instant onwards. I still remember the puzzled look at her face when i smiled at her. May be she was shy. I couldn't hide the joy i had when i found that we belong to the same class. My days went by daydreaming about her and admiring her for the whole day. Slowly, she too began to notice me. Our eyes used to meet every now and then in class. But i dint had the guts to stand up and say my love to her. I was in fear of losing her. If she says a no, then that would be too much for me to bear.Months passed by and i was becoming restless. Apart from the casual “Hi,Bye”s nothing much happened. I should blame myself for not having the spine to tell her what's there in my mind. By then, we had become friends and i got to know about her better. Every single moment of the day, i was thinking about her. The time we spent together in college, the wait for next day to come when we leave the college , the cute dreams about her when i sleep... It was sweet... Just like her.

It's so funny when i think about the day when i proposed to her. Second year at the college and the last exam had just finished. I knew that we wont be seeing each other for 2 long months.That had created a big pain in me. After every exam, she used to come to me and we used to discuss the question papers. It's wrong if i say,”we discuss”. Its actually she would be discussing the answers and i would be simply admiring the beauty of her eyes. That day, after the exam, she came to me and were discussing the answers,

“Do you have any clue about this 3D graphic design? I think i will lose marks for this” , she said in a worried expression and i replied,

“I love You...”

She looked at me for a second and went without saying anything. I was disappointed to the core. I felt hatred towards myself and thought that i had lost her. The whole world was appearing blank to me. I couldnt sleep that night and at midnight, i got an sms from her which said,

“Me too...”

You cant imagine how happy i was that night. I felt like running to her and hug her tightly. Yes... I was in love....

From then on, i had the feeling that she is mine and we had a thousand great memories to cherish. I really dont know what i am going to do tomorrow. It's her marriage tomorrow morning. One thing i know, i cannot live without her.

Girl's Diary

December,8,2009

Dear Diary,

My life is going to change forever after tomorrow. I dont know what would happen to me. I am getting married to someone else and i am cheating my heart. I cannot forget the one i loved for 4 years. I noticed him the very first day at college. He was cute and decent. There is some magic in him which made me to look at him stealthily every time when he is not noticing me. The day when he smiled at me, i dint know what to do. My heart started to pump faster and i was kind of nervous. I became more nervous when i saw him in my class, eventhough i was praying hard for that to happen. He sat 3 row behind mine and i knew he was looking at me all the time. I too wanted to look back and smile at him, but i was too tensed to do so. But whenever i got a chance, i used to turn back and check out what he was doing. The day when we spoke for the first time, i was super excited but i dint express that.That evening, i couldnt sleep thinking about him. Was that an infactuation? Am i just attracted to him? I realized its not a mere infactuation when we became close friends.We used to share everything between us. Eventhough i was the one who talked all the time and he simply used to look at me, i was loving it. Even his silence had a hundred stories to tell.

That day after the last exam of second year, i was totally worried. 2 years had passed by and he never said that he loved me. I was waiting to hear that from him every single day. Yes, i could have told him what i felt, but my shy nature and nervousness hold me back from doing so. What if i am just a good friend to him? That day when i asked him something about the exam, he suddenly said I love you. It was totally unexpected and shocked me. It tooke me a while to realize that, yes, finally he said it. My heart was full with joy and happiness that i couldnt speak a word. I just turned back and walked away as i afraid that i would hug him right in the middle of other students. That night, i messaged him thath i love him too and i slept peacefull that night after many months. Yes, i was in love.

Followed by the best time of my life. We had nothing but happiness. I feel so complete with him and he could sense my right mood even if he cant see me. We were so attached each other and were in deep love.

Now my marriage is fixed with someone else without my consent and i am forced to marry him. I have no clue about what would happen tomorrow. 1 thing is for sure, i wont accept any other man in my life other than my love. If we cannot live together, we would atleast die together.

HIS Diary

December,9,2009

Dear Diary,

December 9 2009. Today. I cannot forget this day ever in my life. It was my marriage today. The day each man cherish for his life time. The day that fulfils a thousand dreams. It was an arranged marriage. It's not because i don't believe in love. But it's just that i believe in making some one who doesnt know me to love me with my love to her. I am not a cheesy film hero who fights with his family and run away with the girl by pushing my parents who struggled to bring me up into tears. I wanted to start my life with the better half with everyone's blessings. That's how this alliance was fixed. It was decided among the parents and the day when i saw her for the first time at her home itself, i had decided that this is the right partner for me.

From then, i started to have a thousand dreams of us. I started to plan our future. I was in some other world. Thinking about the life after marriage. Me and her. Our kids, Our home. I was least interested in shopping. But then on, i began to go for shopping every week and filled my cupboard with gifts for her. I did my level best to make her comfortable at my home. She shouldn't feel anything missing in her life with me. I had never loved a girl at college or when i started working. I was waiting for the right person. Rather, i was storing my love to shower upon that one lucky girl. I have spent years thinking about the one i am going to marry and this is the girl, who would be getting all my love. She is good looking and well cultured. My parents too love her. They are waiting for her to come to handover the responsibilities of the house.I am sure she would be a good home maker and a great daughter in law to them. I am sure she would be considered as a daughter and not a daughter in law. I spent yesterday night with a million hopes and slept by dreaming about the great life we are going to have together.

Today, the marriage time was at 11:00 A.M. We reached the marriage hall on time and after a while, she too came to the wedding hall. When she sat next to me, i had a feeling that i am on top of the world.My heart was beating faster when the time arrived. With prayers for a bright future i took the wedding chain. It was then, she just pushed my hand away and got up. Then she rushed out of the wedding hall and went with a guy who was waiting outside. That was a shock to me. I dint realize what was happening. Her parents, my parents and every single person who had gathered in the hall was shocked. Later some time only i realized that she was in love with someone else, and was getting married to me without her consent. She just went with her lover and shattered my dreams. She just fled with him by stepping onto my hopes, which i had cherished for years. She could have directly told me that she dint like me and love someone else. If she had told, i would have happily withdrawn from this alliance. But she never did. If that had happened, me and my family wouldnt have been humiliated in front of thousand people. I just sat there in the wedding hall with a lowered head and i could hear the laughter of people for whom i appeared like a clown. That was heart breaking.

Dear Diary,

I had not done anything wrong to anyone in my life. I haven't humiliated or cheated anyone. All i did was listening to my family and hoping a good life with my partner. All i did was building a million dreams and praying for them to come true. But still, i am punished with this misfortune. I am not sure if i would be alive after writing this. It's not that i wont be getting someone else, but its just that i still cannot forget that humiliating smile i saw in the face of people who witnessed all these. Just a note to all lovers and who run away for their own benefit. You are not only cheating your family but you are also shattering the dreams and hopes of one person who had not done anything wrong to you and just only wanted to have a happy life with you.

-G.Sarath Menon
*****************************************************
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.NO PART OF THIS MATERIAL PROTECTED BY THE COPYRIGHT MAY BE REPRODUCED OR UTILIZED IN ANY FORM BY ANY MEANS, ELECTRONIC OR MECHANICAL. USERS ARE FORBIDDEN TO REPRODUCE,REPUBLISH,REDISTRIBUTE, OR FORWARD ANY MATERIAL FROM THIS JOURNAL IN EITHER MACHINE READABLE FORM OR ANY OTHER FORM WITHOUT THE PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR

Varsham

പുതുമഴ ചാറ്റലും ഒരു കുളിര്‍ തെന്നലും
മെല്ലെ തഴുകുന്ന കായലിന്നോളവും
മായുന്ന സന്ധ്യയും മങ്ങുന്ന ഗാനവും
ഒരു കുഞ്ഞു താളമായ് മറയും എന്നോര്‍മയും

പാപങ്ങള്‍ കൊണ്ടിഹം നരകമായ് മാറവേ
വേദനയിലാന്ടൊരു ജനത തന്‍ തേങ്ങലോ
പുതുവര്‍ഷമേ നിന്നെ പെയ്യിച്ച്ചതാര്
ഭുമിയെ കാക്കുന്ന ദേവന്‍റെ കണ്ണീരോ

പ്രണയാര്‍ദ്രയായോരീ ഭുമിയെ കാണുവാന്‍
ഇരുളിന്‍റെ മറവില്‍ നീ വന്നതാണോ
സീല്‍ക്കാരമില്ലാതെ ശബ്ദങ്ങളില്ലാതെ
മൌനമായ് നീ ഇന്ന് പോകയാണോ?

ഇഷ്ടങ്ങള്‍ ഓരോന്നും ചൊല്ലി പറഞ്ഞിട്ടും
നഷ്ട വസന്തത്തിന്‍ കണക്കു ഞാന്‍ നോക്കവേ
ഏകനായ് പോയൊരീ ജീവന്നു കൂട്ടിനായ്
തോഴനായ്‌ വന്നത് ദൈവത്തിന്‍ ഇച്ച്ചയോ

മായ്ക്കുന്നു നിന്‍ മഴത്തുള്ളികള്‍ ഓരോന്നും
ചുട്ടു പഴുത്തോരെന്‍ ചങ്കിലെ വേദന
ഏറ്റു വാങ്ങുന്നു ഞാന്‍ നിന്നെ എന്‍ മൂര്ധാവില്
കര്‍മ്മഫലങ്ങള്‍ തീര്‍ക്കുന്ന തീര്‍ത്ഥമായ്

ജി.ശരത് മേനോന്‍

*****************************************************
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.NO PART OF THIS MATERIAL PROTECTED BY THE COPYRIGHT MAY BE REPRODUCED OR UTILIZED IN ANY FORM BY ANY MEANS, ELECTRONIC OR MECHANICAL. USERS ARE FORBIDDEN TO REPRODUCE,REPUBLISH,REDISTRIBUTE, OR FORWARD ANY MATERIAL FROM THIS JOURNAL IN EITHER MACHINE READABLE FORM OR ANY OTHER FORM WITHOUT THE PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR