The Inner Sight

Time is 6:00 P.M.

I was waiting on the platform with a heavy heart. Life was never like before. I realize that there is no value for Sincerity in this world. May be this would be the last journey of my life. Yes... I have decided!!!

I heard the whistling sound of the engine from a distance. The train is coming. The train which is going to relieve me from all the pain i am going through. Little did i knew, that this journey is gonna change my life forever.

The train had slowly approached the platform and i boarded it with my bags. It took me  a while to find my compartment and berth. Finally, i reached there. To my surprise, there was a man already seated in my berth, looking out of the window. He was somewhere in his 60's.Decently dressed and even had a goggles. He looked like a gentleman. But i was irritated to find someone else in my seat. Moreover, i did not want anyone to disturb me among the mental trauma i am going through.

"Excuse Me, Thats my seat"

"Oh... I am Sorry.Please be seated"

He moved a little and i occupied my window seat. I wished if the compartment was empty so that i would get some peace of mind.

I ignored the surrounding and began to think once again about my decision. I am not a coward. I never did anything wrong, but still Life is a bitch for me. I dont want to live in this dirty world anymore and i am not bothered about anyone else. I cant live rest of my life with this pain and the pricking memories. Tonight, before this train reaches its destination, i would bid farewell to this world. Thats why i chose and overnight journey. Because, after 10 PM all the passengers would be sleeping and if i jump out of the train, my death would be certain.

I took out my mobile and set the Alarm at 2:00 A.M. That was the time i had chosen to end my life. At 2 AM i would be jumping out of this train and pay my revenge for all those who pushed me to take this decision.8 more hours remaining....

The train started moving slowly and i was taken back to my memories....

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Life had been tough throughout the past but it also had its share of goodness for me. I thought it was my luck from the previous birth to have a girl like Varsha. She was beautiful and bold. Her eyes had a special magic and looking at them, makes me forget all worries of my life. She came to my life accidently and then slowly became a part of my life.

We had been working together  and like everyone else our love blossomed in fast pace with heavy bonding and passion.Varsha was a practical girl where as i used to live without bothering much about the future. We were in a relationship for 5 long years and i dont know how she could betray me all of a sudden. I gave her care, love  and always tried to make her happy.I never bothered about myself or others. All i wanted is to make her happy. But why do some people play with others life?

Yesterday when i went to Varsha's house with my parents to talk about our relation and to take it to the next step, but surprisingly she rejected my alliance.She was behaving as if she dont even know me. I was shocked. The girl who was in love with me for the last couple of years had started behaving different all of a sudden. She talked a lot that day. She humiliated and insulted me. Not only me, she even blamed my parents and when we got out of that house, the looks I saw on my parents' face are still pricking me.

I knew Varsha was a practical girl. But i did not realize, when it comes to mariage, girls will always go for a guy who is well settled and who can offer a paradise than a guy with whom she has to share his sorrow and joy. I am not blaming anyone for my fate. But i had loved her so much that i cannot think of anyone else and i cannot live rest of my life with this pain. That is why, i decided to end my life.

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"What is the time?". The old man next to me asked.

I was brought back from my memories.

"Uhh...What?"

"The time. What is the time?"

"Its 9:00 P.M"

"Thank you. Still a long journey left" , he said.

But i was in no mood for a small talk. I ignored him and looked out of the window. He was waiting for my response, but i just kept quiet.

"Where are you heading to?" , he again tried to spark a conversation

"Bangalore."

"Oh... That must be a nice place. I have heard about it. But never visited."

"You dont need a passport to go to Bangalore", I said with sarcasm to keep him quiet. But his lips were not sealed

"Ha Ha.. Thats true. But you know, some times you wont be able to do what you want to do even if you try for it"

"What do you mean?"

"I just said, the stuff called Life is very unpredictable".

That sentence he said, sparked in me. Is he pointing to my decision of  ending my life?Does he know me?Does he know about Varsha? Is he talking by knowing my story? A 100 questions arised in me.

"Yea, thats right. Life is unpredictable. And unpredictability is something which we should be scared of" , I said.

"Its not like that. If you know about your future or if you know about what is going to happen to you tomorrow, then you wont be having the force to live today. All of us are living today because we dont know about our tomorrow. And what is driving us to live today? That is HOPE."

A man who is dumb by birth is living in hope that he would be able to talk tomorrow. A deaf guy lives in hope that he would be able to hear his mom calling out his name in future. A blind man is living in constant hope that one day the ray of light would kiss his eyes. It is hope that drives us to live today and to make a better tomorrow"

"Are you a philosopher or something?", I asked in surprise. Slowly i was getting interested in his talks. It made perfect sense to me.

"I am not a philosopher.I work as a teacher."

"That is why you have plenty of advices. But reality is hard", I said with a smile.

"Ofcourse, reality is hard. But you win over it when you face it. Life is not a bed of roses. Tell me, dint you feel scared and tensed during the day of your final exam at school? But you faced it and got through it. Now if you look back, wasn't that a simple thing?"

"Life is not about exams. There are more crazy things than that". I was getting quite angry at that moment.

"Son, Life is just like an exam.The only difference is, its not in an examination hall or you dont have a paper to write down the answer"

It was then we heard a someone singinga hindi song on top of his voice. His sound was standing apart amidst the noise in the training. He was not singing the song, but crying it loud on top of his voice. He approached our compartment. It was a beggar crawling on his knees with a dirty steel plate on one hand and singing out loud. I just ignored him and looked out of the window. But the old man next to me took out few coins from his pocket and gave it to the beggar. He thankfully gave a smile and went to the next compartment.

"Now, why did you think that i gave him the coins i had?", He asked.

"I dont know. May be you wanted to be in the good books of God and want to secure your position up above after death."

"Hahaha...defenitely not. Giving alms to secure your position after you die is just like bribing God.", he said and smiled. This time he scored in making fun of me. He continued,

"I gave him that coin because the 1 or 2 Re in my wallet would value more when it is given to him. With 2 Re, i cannot do much and it might lie unused in my wallet for many months. But the same 2 Re could fetch a tea for him and may be that Tea would be the only thing he would get to have for the day. Instead of keeping unused in my wallet, isnt it better to make it useful to someone else?"

"True...", I said in guilt.

"Now, everyday is an exam for him. He is facing it.Then why can't you?"

"Me??? What?"

"No, i just said in General. There are people who stand still when life throws them challenges. Like the kids who fail in their board examination, or a broken heart, or an employee who is fired from job etc. Life would be thrilling only when you face it and get over. Now that kid has one more year to study well and appear for the exam. The broken heart will have someone else better than his ex waiting for him and the employee would get a job 100 times better than the old one. But very few people have the guts to face it. Majority dont even try to attempt and simply finish their life. When you have not even attempted how can you be sure that you will fail?

Life is a journey. Only the mighty ones have the strength to complete the journey...! It we ourselves who prove if we are strong or not..."

His words were a new experience to me. I just kept quiet and thought about myself. What had i been thinking? The girl whom i loved had ditched me and my world seemed to come to an end.But this man had just opened a door of hope to me. Is he telling all these by knowing my story? His words had just sparked up a flame in me.

Time had passed by.It was the wee hours of the night and the co passengers were sleeping. But the man next to me was still awake as if he is waiting for something to happen.

"Are you not sleeping?", I asked.

"Not yet."

I couldnt stop thinking about all what he said.They were ringing in my ears and i was getting inspired each time i thought about it. The cool breeze from outside was kissing my forehead. There was an explosion happening inside me. I have never experienced such a situation before.

Slowly the speed of the train got reduced. It was nearing a station. The old man slowly told me,

"I am getting down in this station. It was nice travelling with you.Even if you forget all the things which i have told, just remember the first thing which i said. HOPE. That keeps your life moving. God bless you..."

He slowly stood up and opened his side bag. He took a bundle of sticks from his bag and joined them together to make it a cane. Slowly he started walking by hitting the cane on the floor. He was Blind...

Suddenly the alarm in my mobile started ringing. It showed "2 A.M!!!"
Knowingly or unknowingly, i pressed the ignore button.

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