My heart skipped a beat when i heard my name being called out. A hunderd butterflies were flying in my stomach. For a moment, i couldn't belive that i am being honored by one of the finest universities in the United States of America. Yes, it is true and not a dream. It pained when i pinched myself as it was too good to belive. Finally, my fruit of labour and hardwork has riped. It's the time to show the world, who i am. When i got up from my seat and walked to the diaz, i felt like i was in a time machine and the memories took me to the past.
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Year 2006 - India
Just like any other girl who is fresh out of college and with an offer letter from the prestigious company in the country in hand, i was super excited. So is my family. I am learning to stand on my own feet and this is my first experience to venture into the free world. I have been selected by one of the IT Giants in the country along with my friends. Yes, it is true that i had my own tension, but the mere thought that my friends are also with me to help me out gave me the confidence to take up this challenge. With an excited at the same time a worried heart, i started off my journey to Bangalore, The IT hub of India.
Sinfypro Technologies Pvt Ltd.
The huge board which shined at the entrance of the company gifted me a proud moment to be the part of the organization as well as a fear at the deep bottom of my mind. I had come to know that the first 3 months would be the days of training and one can really become a part of this organization only if they succeed to pass the tests. Being a bright student at college, i was never afraid of the exams. Algorithms and geometry were my best friends and nuclear science and robotics were my love. But least did i knew that what was there in store for me was not only a test of theory but also a test of life.
Life in the new company was just like a dream come true.Company offered the trainees a five star accommodation. I felt like i was in a wonderland. The campus had tall buildings, Shopping Malls, Swimming Pool, Multiplex, Playgrounds, Indoor Games and you name it, you got it. This place seemed to be a tourist spot rather than a corporate. I did enjoy the initial stages at the new company but later things began to change. The training was nothing in sort of what i had in mind. It was really hectic and a tough nut to break. Mainframes, OOPS, Java Scripts, J2EE s, Symbian Technology and what not. They were teaching the stuff only to screw the happiness and excitement of the newly joined trainees and the things were going on top of my head. Yes, i know that there were people who had conquered these himalayan tasks but the new culture and the new system which is in place took some time for me to understand. At one point, i felt like, the company is showering the technical acid rain on the newly hired only to make them quit the organization or they were sure that half of the newly hired wont pass throught this acid test rather a walk on fire.
Slowly, tension creeped in my mind. The mere thought that i am far from home and my family and dear ones had send me here with high hopes increased my fear on losing the rat race. Things were becoming tough for not only me but also for my friends who had joined with me. We never ever got some free time to sit back and relax. Everyday we had something or the other to study as there were exams on every alternative days. I dint had concentration on what i am studying as i was always in a constant fear of being laid off. Months passed by and the results of the exams were not favorable. I tried to analyze what is the problem with me. I was good at college and topped in all the exams. But here, i cannot prove myself. I know i have the caliber in me. But what is holding me back from reaching my goal? I slowly realized that, this is not what i wanted. I understood that i am in a fool's paradise. I did not just want to study something and become a corporate creature. I had my own dreams. To study further, to do something on my own. The job where i am currently in, is not what i yearned for.That is why i cannot top the exams and the trainings are giving me great fear every day. I did not want to live in constant fear. But at the same time, i was worried about what my parents and relatives would say if they come to know that i am not doing well out here.
Meantime, my friends were studying hard for their exams. They were also trying to help me out. I did try to deliver the best i could but i am not sure if i took an honest effort. I had relaized that this is not my cup of tea and my goal was not to sit behind a computer and slog whole day to see some money being deposited in my bank account at the end of month. But that was not the case with my friends. They had clear goals in life and wanted to achieve something. Kishore, my friend had nothing in mind rather than studies. I met him after joining this company and we became friends very soon. I could never see him without a text book in hand. He had nothing other than the technical stuff to talk. He had also helped me out in my studies. I was sure that. even though i cant clear the training at least my friend would get what he wanted. He was always worried of his family too. Kishore had told me how happy he was when he got the joining date letter from the company. That night, we talked a lot and for the first time, Kishore talked to me something other than studies. About his family, the high hope they had in him and how hard he is struggling to sustain that and lot more. I was happy for him not only because he was my friend, but he is doing something to finish off this damn training and to make his parents happy. Unlike me, who has ended up in a wrong place without really knowing what i wanted, he is in right track. Atleast he ended up in the corporate world which he wanted.
Next day was our first final exam and we were all worried about it. Kishore too was worried even though he had studied well. When i got the question paper, for a second, i thought i am reading a greek manuscript. There was not even one question which i could answer. When i thought about my parents and how happy they were while sending me off to bangalore, i really felt like crying in the examination hall. Once, in life, exams were my friends and i was in love with the subjects which i learned. But here, i felt irritated when i looked at the question paper. That moment, at the examination hall, i realized, People who really know what their aim is and work for it are really few compared to the ones who swim with the flow. Majority of them, stuggle themselves to sustain in the current situation where they are no matter if they love it or not. But just a handful of people swim against the flow and succeed in what they really wanted.
As Expected, that exam was a big disaster and i dint want to comment about that to anyone.That night i was all alone at my room. The five star accommodation which the company gave, dint amuse me or excite me. I had no hunger or no sleep. By around 1 A.M, i heard a knock on my door. I was quite suprised at first and opened the door. It was Swati, our batch mate. She rushed into our room and was breathing heavily. She wanted to say something but words were not coming out. After a while, she told me that shocking news. That, in the boys hostel, some one had committed a suicide by hanging on the ceiling fan and that was Kishore!!!
I couldnt belive what i heard. I called up my other friends immediately and they too confirmed the news. I broke into tears. Kishore had committed sucide because he dint do well in the exam and he feared to be chucked out of the company. It was not a new thing. Many students used to commit suicide inside th campus and the company had always covered the news from media. That was really hard for me to absorb. This incident had completely taken off my enthusiasm to study and to proceed further. Eventually, i had to leave the organization as i couldnt clear the final exams. On the day of leaving the company, i just looked back at the shining board of Sinfypro Technologies Pvt Ltd. I dint know what feeling i had. Was it guilt? or a Freedom pass to chase my destiny?
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The applause called me back from the time machine. I realized, i am in diaz and holding the prestigious award for the best student of the year for outstanding performance. I could see my family among the audience. They had a glimpse of pride in their eyes when i waved at them. Yes. The award which i am holding now is the price for chasing my dreams and the gift to my family for supporting at my hard times.
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Back at home from bangalore, i couldnt face my parents. I thought that they would shout at me for not completing the training. But on the contrary, my parents were always supportive. I talked to them why i couldnt succeed and my wish was to study further rather working under pressure to earn some money. I wanted to do something on my own.I told them clearly what i wanted in life. So they have decided to send me to the United States of America. I was going to pursue higher education in one of the esteemed universities at the states and it was the refreshing change which i wanted at that point of time more than anything else.
First day at college, was tensionful. But i was excited to be back in college once again. The culture was new and the campus was different. Teaching style was different and the students life was vibrant. Initially i had some difficultied to get accustomed to the new culture. But slowly, i was becoming one among them. The new level of knowledge was opening in front of me. Seven Seas away from home and all alone in a country like USA, i was moulding myself. The circumstances made me strong and to stand on my own feet. Me, who had been always dependant on my parents, is now living alone and standing on my own feet. I know how to run a home now and i have learned many things in life apart from the alphabets in the text book. This is what i wanted. A course that teaches you the technology and also on how to live your life at the same time.
Exams became my friends once again. When days passed by, i was getting more n more deeper into the subject. I realized, it is because i love what i do and i did what i loved. For few months i was busy with studies and preparing for project, submitting papers infront of professors and creating proposals for the college. I slowly realized, i am transforming from a frightened girl who lived in constant fear to a bright executive who have the caliber to build her own corporate kingdom. Yes. I did my masters in Management and now i am well versed and familiar with How a corporate runs.If wanted, i can start my own company now which shows the students how to maintain the balance in corporate as well as personal life.That's the power in me, which i have acquired from the years passed by. I felt like i have run the rat race and came first with golden colors at an unbelievable pace.
When i look back now, I feel sad for Kishore. To be honest, i feel pity for him. He ended his life, just because of the fear that he would lose his job. Even i was not able to cross the himalayan boundry which some coporates would set only to chuck out the employees which they hire infront of media to balance their employee strength. If Kishore had just thought about a moment that Sinfypro is not the only one company in the world and if he had realized that he had the power within to become what he wanted, he would have been still alive. When i look at the award which is shining in my hands now, i realize, Yes... This world belongs to Survival of the fittest. Are you fit by heart or not, is decided by you yourself. It's time to show the world how much aggression we have in mind and then success will follow us. My story is just an example to it.
(A Real Life Story)
-G.Sarath Menon
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